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History of Violence

It's refreshing to see a film that makes you slow down to it's pace, rather than having your senses assaulted with too many edits of sounds and images. History of Violence has a way of lulling you into it's world. With soft classical music never ceasing, and almost uncomfortably static scenes it's like you're being hypnotized. By the time the film takes it's creepy turn into a shockingly violent world, you're fully in the middle of it. This is a must see, stellar cast and beautifully filmed...and who knew that John Hurt still had it?! He steals the scenes he's and loves every second of it.

Wedding Crashers

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Dollface dialed in this review of the Owen Wilson picture via text message just today. She says, "If Owen Wilson and Wedding Crashers prove one thing to you lonely menfolk, it's that the more bronzer and light brown eyeliner you wear, the more blond streaks and collegen lip injections you get, the better your chances of getting a free spirited beauty from old money to fall in love with you over a touch football game. If it proves another thing, it's that breakfast buffets are preferable to friendship." [D.L.]

Constantine

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I just rented this comic book based movie on my computer and actually only made it thru the first half before I ran out of time. For some reason i'm attracted to Keanu Reeves movies the same way one is drawn to watching a highway disaster. Keanu plays some sort of excorcist who's already died once, and is supposed to end up in hell, but is trying to buy his way into heaven. He takes a few trips down to hell to follow up with some business and it turns out hell looks alot like "Escape from New York" (the film where Kurt Russell plays Snake) I'm sure he worked it all out and made it to heaven in the end, and I'm imagining he learned alot more than he thought he would along the way. I just never got to see the end.

Batman Begins

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I had the rare opportunity to actually go see a movie with Dollface Lansbury herself. We had a wonderful time. Not only did we find that the Cobble Hill cinemas still has matinee prices of $5.50 a pop, but we both left the theatre exhilerated by the best Batman film made to date. Personally I had the urge to go directly to Tibet to become a Ninja, while Dollface...a little perturbed by the notion of a vaporizer using the city's water supply for evil, said she'd need at least 22 pages to accurately review the film. I DID get the 2 thumbs up sign from her though, so you oughta check it out.

The Interpreter

Skin Flute in Moral City: The Interpreter Sucks, but who Cares?

The rectangle of concrete extending from the corner of Third Avenue and Twelfth Street was covered with second-daters probing the night for a planned activity to occupy the hours between nine and eleven. All of us together only amounted to the line for The Interpreter. Pitiful. It was a display that rivaled the breadlines of Communist Moscow except that at the end of our wait was a $6 Coke. Shit got a little out-of-hand when the velvet ropes crashed down and the frenzied minions rushed the theater door with no sense of justice as to who’d arrived first.

After all that desperation and berating of ushers, the movie kind of sucked. My friend Alex expresses annoyance when I say this claiming it’s a fine enough for what it is, a commercial thriller. “That movie is taking so much slack because people are judging it as an issue movie, when it’s a political thriller. The basic premise—that an interpreter for the U.N. overhears people plotting to kill a dictator and her life becomes threatened—is classic Hollywood thriller. The African country in it is fictional! This shouldn’t be read as trying to change something or as a comment on real politics, it’s a popcorn movie.”

Okay then, where’s the sex? Or the thrill? Every character wanders into pristine frames trailing dark-past stink like Pig-Pen off a redeye from Mogadishu. Those histories are either ignored or economized into Photoshop slideshows of Nicole Kidman bearing arms at a demonstration Matoba, the faux- African country where she’s from. If the movie wants to be a thriller, revealing bits of unexpected information in mysterious ways that delight an audience, here’s the chance, playing Nicole Kidman’s clean, rich, distant, New York, quadrilingual, wide-leg wool-trouser-wearing, indigenous-flute-playing image as a U.N. interpreter off the fact that she was probably a fucking African rebel. Instead, any sense of passion, extreme or darkness in her character (or any other character) is sucked into the gloss of film, the sunny day architectural photography of the U.N. building and explanatory PowerPoint presentations on Johnny and Larry Dictator.

“That’s what a big-budget blockbuster does,” Alex says.

But you never actually fail to trust her, even though the dialogue would indicate you’re supposed to, nor experience conflict between what’s right, wrong and who’s culpable, and this movie is definitely poking at that old fucker. It’s a problem that the film uses the real U.N. and a fake African country. What the story essentially argues for and against through Sean Penn and Nicole Kidman’s characters is the U.N.’s validity and whether, morally, diplomacy tops swift action based on an individual’s sense of justice. I had a hard time pruning images of chaos and pain from real war-torn countries in newspapers from this Hollywood movie. If this isn’t an issue movie, then why are these two characters positioned to take opposing stances on an issue—a timely one at that—the U.N.’s efficacy in preventing real wars in real countries? Sure the movie doesn’t take place in Africa, it’s not attempting realism on a formal level, but the film is focused on the thoughts, feelings and desires of its characters—many of whom come from Matoba—much more so than the drive of generic plot, and yet the film makes a slapdash attempt to understand that place.

“Listen, at it’s core, this is a genre movie with a plot arch exactly like the others, like a Jack Ryan, Hunt For Red October movie. All that you-stand-for- this, I-stand-for-that stuff is tacked on and not essential,” Alex says.

But there’s too god-damned much of it to call filler, not to mention the film’s denouement which is direct, moralistic and about the U.N. And the movie is pursuing a feeling, it fails to achieve it. I know Alex is right in some respects, but my attitude is pretty much, ‘Well you brought Africa up, Interpreter, now fucking say something about it. Take place in Cleveland if you can’t handle it.’

It’s weird because I feel a little angry right now and I wasn’t before I started writing this, I was just confused by the whole thing and a little bored. I guess I figure if you’re going to spend a bunch of time and money making a movie, why not make a good movie?

I asked Alex what he liked about it. “I don’t know, that bus sequence had me sort of on the edge of my seat. I liked the shots of the U.N. building and the scenes on Ninth Street. Listen, it was raining the day I saw it, it was the perfect way to spend two hours.” Brief silence. “I don’t want to talk about this,” he says. Exactly. D.L.

Stay Hungry (1976)

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Starring Jeff Bridges, Sally Fields, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Okay, I'm just going to describe one scene for you out of this mind-blowing film and you can decide for yourself whether to rent it tonight or next Monday. Picture if you would, Arnold (playing Joe Santo, the Austrian body builder who's training to become Mr. Universe...I know, a stretch...but try) who's befriended Jeff Bridges (Swamp) who's a rich kid dabbling in real estate...okay wait, I'm losing track here.... So Joe Santo takes his new friend, Swamp out to the woods where they find this cabin full of Mountain people drinking moonshine and playing bluegrass music. As it turns out, Joe Santo knows these folks and they welcome him into the jamboree, where he picks up a fiddle and plays the best-darned bluegrass fiddle music you can imagine. In the meantime, Swamp's gettin' a little tipsy on the moonshine and starts dancing this jig, and oh he's happy, so so happy, and you can tell because he's dancing this crazy dance and smiling this huge grin and you get the feeling he only truly feels happiness when he's with the Mountain people.... fucking amazing.... That's all I'm gonna tell you. You need to see it for yourself to believe it.

Sideways

So I mentioned before that I didn't actually see this movie, though I've heard plenty about it. I actually had heard some positive reviews of it from some reputable sources. Then I got a review in from one of our Satellite Editors (here on out referred to as S.E.) And S.E. was NOT a fan of Sideways. S.E. says it's a film geared towards those kinds of yuppies who like to talk about how clever they are and shop at health food supermarkets. A lot of smug nudge nudge wink winks going on. Bottom line S.E. says, is that this movie give organic a bad name. Okay, well put.

We Don't Live Here Anymore

So if you're having one of those days where you just can't find the silver lining no matter how hard you try, and you think about all the great opportunities you've missed because you were either too hungover, or too lazy to take advantange of them. And you only have yourself to blame that little Miss Perfect Pam next door got the Miss Creamed Corn Pagent crown and not you. And so SHE got the two year free membership to Blockbuster and not you....Or you think about all the relationships you've screwed up because you thought it would actually be FUNNY to leave your girlfriend/boyfriend stranded at the rest area in Nevada for 6 hours....Basically when you're feeling like you can't get much lower...AU CONTRAIR, you can my friend, go see this movie and you'll hit what they call in rehab, "rock bottom." If I chose to say something nice here it would be that it's a pretty movie...a nice, even, slow paced picture show. The cast (who I refer to as "the staff") consists of a few of my faves, Mark Ruffalo, Naomi Watts, Laura Dern (but Christ! What happened to her?!) They all do a nice job doing what they do....but for Pete's sake...do yourself a favor and buy yourself a flat razor blade instead...it's cheaper and quicker I'm sure.

Stepford Wives

Okay, let me set up the scene...here's your motivation: You're in Cincinnati, Ohio, it's hotter than hell, and you're feeling pretty hung-over from the all-night dance party the night before. You're also feeling quite confident that you've permanently screwed up your hip after trying to scale a building up three floors to climb in thru your friend's kitchen window that morning...On top of all of that, there's these disgusting cicada bugs dive bombing your head.... the only thing left to do is grab your friend and go to the movies.... After sitting in the lobby of the theater for almost an hour and a half, mindlessly playing games and eating popcorn, we ambled into the empty theater to see this THING, they called a MOVIE.... Here's how I remember it, Nicole Kidman looks pretty, she's so pretty. Bette Midler says funny line, whole movie pauses while you imagine that off camera, the director and writers are smugly nudging each other in the ribs saying to themselves, we're so damned clever.... chuckle chuckle end pause, continue. Nicole Kidman is pretty, Bette Midler says something amusing, whole movies pauses.... nudge nudge.... clever clever...chuckle chuckle...continue...after the movie was over, there was no need for discussion...we drove straight to the bar.

A Slipping Down Life

Hold on, before I start writing about this film.... I can't find.... that last Valium.... shit.... I know it's around here somewhere.... damn...I know I stuck it in that cassette case.... shit.... Oh, there it is on the floor.... oh that must be it...well, I'll just take it anyway...what else could it be right? Ah, there, okay, what was I writing about?

Identity

starring Jon Cusack

I really really want to see this movie...I've seen the previews where Jon Cusack is all wet from being in the rain and he looks really concerned and scared and I could watch that preview over and over again...but I'd rather actually see the whole movie.... and I don't care if it's an obvious 10 little Indians rip-off, I want to go and be scared and eat popcorn madly and kick the chair in front of me, and then do it all over again.

A Touch of Evil

uncut remastered version on DVD

This is truly a classic film, with an amazing soundtrack. Orson Welles is at his fattest, and Charlton Heston is so dashing and handsome that you try really hard to forget that he's now the president of the NRA.... The gorgeous babes include Janet Leigh, Marlene Dietrich, and Zsa Zsa Gabor...mmmm hmmm...The most priceless part of the movie is the scene at the hotel, where the hoodlum kids are smoking "maryjane" and doing this weird dance....This new DVD version of the film is supposedly re edited to follow Orson Welles' original director's notes.

Black Orpheus soundtrack

music by Antonio Carlos Jobim and Luiz Bonfa

When I first saw this film in college (a lifetime ago) I fell in love with the soundtrack. So then when I tried to find it, I found out that not only was it out of print, but it was super duper hard to find. Eventually I gave up and forgot all about it until last summer. I was lolling about on a boat on the Gowanus Canal in Brooklyn, NY. And my friend decided to take a break from the CCR record he'd been playing over and over, and he slapped this record on the turntable. In an instant I was all fired up again about this record. It turns out, 13 years later; it's a cinch to find. It was actually reissued on Verve records like a year after I stopped looking for it the first time. (Go figure.) In a nutshell, this movie (a Brazilian twist on the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice) is excellent, but the soundtrack is exceptional.

The Core

starring Hilary Swank

I didn't see this movie, but I am so tired of seeing Hilary Swank on talk shows saying over and over again, "this movie really puts the science back in science fiction." Pu-leeeze...you're cute as a button Hilary, but can't we get a bit more creative?

The Hunted

starring Benicio Del Toro

I really hate to have to do this to Mister Del Toro, what with the tender feelings I have for him, but this movie was awful. Don't go see this movie. Please. I should have stayed home and watched that movie on the Family Channel about the teenager who finds out that he's part leprechaun. That, or the one on the Disney Channel where ex safe cracker, Paul Hogan comes back to earth as an angel on probation. There are really an endless number of bad cable TV movies that would have been more entertaining than "The Hunted."

Laurel Canyon

First of all, this movie is perfectly cast, second of all, Francis McDormand is my hero, and thirdly, can I have that AC/DC tee shirt? Most of the movie is set around the pool in the back yard of our hero, Jane's house. It doesn't take long before you're so immersed and comfortable in that environment, that you forget that you're actually not there smoking pot and playing rock and roll by the pool in the lush and sunny southern California hillside. Rather, you're unemployed in New York City and it's the end of winter and on the first nice spring day you chose to spend it inside a movie theater with a $3.75 diet coke.... I don't want to give any of the movie away to those who haven't seen it yet, so I'll just leave it at that. The movie is perfectly cast, Francis Mcdormand is my hero, and I want that AC/DC tee shirt.

The Life of David Gale

(or as I like to call it, "The Kevin Spacey Picture")

It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, that is, to go see this movie...but the planets must have been askew in the decision department or something because it was the WRONG decision. Definitely not worth the $10 my friend spent to buy my ticket. Filled with lots of sweeping social statements, and told in a completely earnest and humorless voice, I felt patronized just being an audience member. The few highlights included the gratuitous bathroom sex scene with the pretty girl (just cuz she's a pretty girl,) and a couple nice shots of Kate Winslet's perfect lips. Watching Kevin Spacey play a drunken mess was as uncomfortable as watching him play the gimpy guy in the "Usual Suspects." Both were completely over studied, dry, and too clever. All's I'm saying is that I know plenty of drunky pants and gimpy guys and no one I know acts like that. Give us a little more credit here Spacey! The BEST part of the movie was actually the previews; it appears that a Hulk movie trailer is a much tougher act to follow than we thought.