let me introduce you to the new HCR staff:

our restaurant critc,

Ezmarelda

After spending many years traveling the world with her international playboy millionaire fiancé, dining in the globe’s finest eating establishments, her unfortunate snuggle-bear-future-husband died tragically on bad blowfish in Bangkok; which brought poor and penniless Ezmarelda back here to our fine city of New York. I was lucky enough to find her hawking her last piece of shiny bling bling down at the fish market last October. She was hoping to afford a nice cut of Terrapin (October is the best season for Terrapin after all). This is when I was able to rope her into a contract with us here at HCR. If anyone knows food, it’s our Ezzy Mae.

next we have our new movie critc,

Dollface Lansbury

This was a total coup for HCR…. first of all, if you don’t know already, Dollface is rumored to be Angela Lansbury’s love child. If that isn’t enough, read on. We call her “the Kid” around here because even though she’s well into womanhood, she doesn’t look a day over 9 years old. She’s got a lot of sass…a lot of “been there, done that” attitude, and an amazing knowledge of the silver screen. She spent most of her life stalking Angela Lansbury on the sets of her films and acclaimed TV series, “Murder She Wrote.” (Sadly, Ms. Lansbury continues to not acknowledge their relationship) But in following this life path, Dollface learned an enormous amount about the pictures. I look forward to many smart and snappy reviews from her.

Thirdly, we have the queen of the nightlife herself,

Sophisticated Boom Boom

Between you and me, I had to cash in all the stocks I owned in Widgets just to afford her, but I think the big name she’ll add to the site will make it all worth it. She sure has enough shine and sparkle to light up any club in town, and boy does she know how to work a room. If you’ve ever met her, you’ve probably been too dazzled by her glamour to realize what a sharp tack you’re talking to. Just wait ‘til you get a load of the reviews she’ll write about parties, clubs and shows that even Page 6-6-6 can’t get into…. Welcome to HCR Sophie B.B.

Finally, we have our new Book and Art critic,

Alotta Zeal Hurston

(I know, you probably caught that “Art” word up there too…don’t be scared, I looked into it, it’s alright…) I had heard about this woman for some time, and finally I found her, standing outside the Brooklyn Library tossing homemade shrimp dumplings at the pigeons out front. At closer observation I noticed that she also had a couple “interns” snapping photos of the poor pigeons fighting over the dumplings. I watched her for sometime, as she explained this “public art” project to passers by…Extremely amused and intrigued, I eventually approached her and discussed the possibility of her working for HCR…I couldn’t believe she actually accepted my proposal. I am extremely pleased to round out the rest of my amazing staff with this wonder.

Haas resides in Brooklyn, NY and that's all she really wants you to know...